[crowd laughs] “Fit as a fiddle.” Is that a good shape? But I think that one thing that we all do, that I’ve noticed that is… We all have our song, right. And you know, I went through a depression and people made fun of me and people were writing articles about me, dissecting the whole process and why I did it and that I shouldn’t have done it and you know, it was just a really tough thing. I’m just gonna keep shoes on, they’re not gonna see that.” Then you go to somebody’s house and they have a shoes-off policy. "I’m a gay. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and… all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. I kinda had to tone it down a little bit, I had to dress differently. We get a junk drawer. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: “Oh, cute little girl.” And come over, you know. Everybody’s fine with that. At one point, she jokes about being a spokesperson for the gay community, parodying those old Hair Club for Men commercials. "I roll it real tight. It allows us to feel like society has moved past the idea of shunning someone because of their sexuality or boycotting a show because its star is gay. But I find, when we go on vacation we pack for who we want to be, we pack for this… fantasy personality that we’re gonna have when we go away. You know, how people are, and… I said: “I gotta get going. I don’t know if I should get it.” “Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right for you.” Why is that my job? [crowd claps] Yes, I turned 60 this year. She was… ashamed. "A few years ago, I started ending my show by saying 'be kind to one another,'" she explains. That is lovely energy. 653, This story has been shared 472 times. I heard he was coming to the party. Even someone who's now a national treasure wasn't immune to widespread, systemic bigotry just a few short decades ago, and in some cases, still isn't. Oh my God, you’re so happy I’m not vegan. We’re all on our own individual path. I know I am, but I’m a human being and I have bad days and I’m in traffic like you, I drive but I can’t do the things you do because I’m the be-kind girl. Your email address will not be published. It’s… And it was raining for a long time before we got there like a month before we got there and so it was really muddy and there’s like stinging thistles and all kinds of brush everywhere that you’ve got somebody hacking away with a machete and you’re trying to get through and sometimes you had to crawl this far under, we’re sinking in the mud like, to our knees and… three hours up the mountain at some point, I was like… ♪Happy birthday…♪ [crowd laughs] ♪to me♪ ♪Happy birthday…♪ ♪to me.♪ [gasps] ♪Happy birthday…♪ ♪dear Ellen♪ Oh my God, it was so hard but… It is so worth it ’cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you… So majestic, so beautiful. Get Toofab breaking news sent right to your browser! I just started eating a piece of fish once in a while and I’ll eat eggs from chickens that I know. I was, you know… My hair was different. [crowd laughs] Yeah. And next? Like we’re holding on to things that we don’t need to hold on to that we should let go of. I’ll speak with the chef and… yes. 2020 Bustle Digital Group. Again! [crowd laughs] Hm. If anything she leans in, going so far as to refer to herself as the "be-kind" girl. "Are there 10 rows? Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. There are quite a few comedians like, say, Bob Saget, who've made their millions playing wholesome characters on TV but are also known to get down and dirty in the comedy clubs and on the stand-up stage. Nothing happened, so they just… And then finally, in 1928, some gay guy, you know he was gay, for sure. But I didn’t realize that until I had this dream. I don’t understand… what fleas do even. [crowd laughs] The bathroom attendant used to be a simple thing. Please, change. The funnier material comes from Column B. Do you know what I’m saying? I don’t know if that’s true. Like, if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I honk, they are like: “Ellen?” [crowd laughs] [crowd laughs and claps] Yeah, that and the dancing. Just draw the bath.” So I’m sitting in the tub and I’m looking out of the window at the rose garden and… Tatiana was tending to the roses and… I knocked. It's not like nobody warned me," she says. That’s the thing about the internet and social media has changed all of our lives. Before The Ellen DeGeneres Show was a household staple, DeGeneres was the star of a short-lived ABC sitcom called Ellen. Yes, there is a sole, satisfying f-word in Ellen’s stand-up special, and it’s simply so, so good. These are good. But the judgment she felt as a young gay woman is seemingly still fresh in her mind, and when she reminds the audience of it, they’re better for it. I’m gonna prescribe you pot and a pet.” [crowd laughs] Now when you fly, it’s like… I mean you’re walking down the aisle to your seat, which is you know 10B or whatever it is It’s like Noah’s Ark. Does a plane go back that far? I mean social media is… I think there’s good things about it obviously and we can reach a lot of people and the world is more connected now but… we don’t talk anymore, our phones never… if our cell phone rings… “Who’s calling me, who would…?” You know, I found, Portia and I, on a Sunday afternoon. And I should know. Something different gonna happen in here? ‘Cause I used to write all the time. [crowd laughs] Because I feel like animals should be in their natural environment. At around the 44-minute mark, Ellen launches into a story about shoes, and then socks, which is one of the silliest bits of the whole special, and truly one of the most relatable. 1,329, This story has been shared 1,295 times. I don’t know… I am still gay by the way. ", The revelation is funny but heartbreaking. So my entire childhood, I never had a vaccination, never had any medicine. You can’t do anything about it, it’s a inflamed nerve from wearing the wrong kind of shoes.” He said: “Do you wear like soft-soled shoes, like tennis shoes? Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and… “Is the guy who sliced the bread here? and it wasn’t meant to be funny. 1,338, This story has been shared 1,329 times. Ellen DeGeneres released her first stand-up comedy special in over 15 years on Netflix Tuesday.. I mean… [crowd laughs] “I refuse to be a barbarian anymore. [crowd laughs] She’s your friend, she’s my friend. 373. Even if we don’t understand it, it does something for something else. -Yes, but I got one in the hand and that’s worth two in the bush. [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, that’s good. I was hoping for more of a really.” But it was really. Thank you. He did. Shouldn’t be a problem. "Like, if someone cuts me of in a dangerous way, if I honk, they're like, 'Ellen!?'". The audience roars with laughter at her clever delivery and witty recollection of these events, but the point DeGeneres is making is clear. Where do you get your protein? By clicking "SIGN UP" above you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Notice. I’ll do that, thank you. © 2020 Scraps from the Loft. In particular, one joke from Ellen DeGeneres’ Relatable standup special shows how much she overcame to get where she is now. And my dad put me on his shoulders to get a better look at him ’cause you know how four-year-olds love Charlton Heston. I turned 60 in January and… [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. Please, change.” And the light doesn’t change so they just creep up alongside of you. And then you go to someone’s house and they have a shoes-off policy,” Ellen says for the setup, as she stares, scared and perplexed into the camera. Clearly, she’s crazy. [crowd claps] If you look up: “Birds that dance to music.” You’ll see, there are so many of them. Now I’d like to talk to you about gay. [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. “What do you guys think, do you like them? WSTale » Lifestyle » This ‘Ellen DeGeneres: Relatable’ Joke Shows How Much She Fought To Simply Be Herself. I don’t know who started that. '", "That's why people stay closeted," she adds. There’s a woman with a ferret there’s a man with a mongoose, there’s a lady with a donkey. Ellen lets the audience in on her dilemma pretty early on. And I didn’t know what I was gonna do. Beads in a big floppy hat. And this side of the table? Yeah, but I got one in the hand so… -But there’s two in the bush. You know what I mean… You know what I mean, yeah. The thing is, I didn’t pack correctly. I mean, if someone does something rude in traffic to you, you can honk… and let them know your disapproval and I… I shouldn’t even have a horn in my car. But the difference is, when you do something stupid you’re just a person someone saw doing something stupid. That was before I got my new voice. So I was having pain in my third and fourth toe. Oh. Yes, I’m enjoying it. -That’s how we do it, don’t know.” I’m not really vegan, I say it for the joke. It's about winning.". I’m pretty sure that, you know… -“Doctor, sometimes I worry– -I’ve heard enough. Of course, it can't be about the money. [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure there’s nothing in there, in the pockets. If you wanna see how happy I am, if you’ll zoom in on my fist there…. Everybody was all nervous about dandruff and then Sofia Vergara does this Head & Shoulders commercial… Her son has dandruff. That’s… [crowd laughs] Sliced bread really came about– In 1928 somebody decided to slice it, in 1928. Does a plane go back that far? Every single thing, he remembered. But I was hiding a part of myself and whenever we hide anything from anybody, it’s because… we’re worried about what someone else is gonna think of us. This beautiful young girl is gone and fleas are here. I don't know, I just guessed.". âI kinda had to tone it down a little. [crowd cheers] [background song] Thank you so much. She even scores laughs lampooning the limits of her own niceness, joking about how there's a rarely discussed downside to being one of the planet's nicest celebrities. -“Are you in any pain? She has smartly set the tone for her act, plus she makes the case her problems aren't ostensibly different than anyone else's, she just fortunate to endure them in more comfortable surroundings. They… So, now everybody’s pretty cool with the fact I’m gay.
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