My horse is a rubbish dancer. “Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her butt. Q: Why didn’t anyone take the cowboy seriously? Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.”, The second chimes in, “Why that’s nothing. He sits at the bar, drinking a sip out of each glass in turn. My existing horse was too outgoing. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. “I’m learning’ somethin’ here. “You bet it will,” said the old-timer. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy town planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone. After he finishes his drink, the cowboy goes outside only to find his horse has been stolen. “See that axle grease over there? I think he’s got two left feet. Then I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll beat you all unconscious.”, Saint Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”, A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says, “Audi!”. An old rancher had a small ranch that he worked for many many years. He then angrily yells, “Which one of you fools stole my horse?”eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',175,'0','0'])); There’s a silence as no one answers, so the cowboy yells even more angrily, “Alright, I’m gonna have one more beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I did in Texas! via GIPHY. But you’re wearing your gun too high. I had a job as part of a pantomime horse team once, but I quit when I was a head. The old cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. “On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. “Man, that’s scary! Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being a fast gun in his day. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.”. A: He was always horsing around. The locals in the saloon have a nasty habit of picking on strangers, which of course the cowboy was. Now that we have your attention, get our awesomely funny app from Apple App Store for free. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, “Ah shore do, wardn. Free Stuff. The largest collection of rude one-line jokes in the world. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse. All there is to bull riding is to put one leg on each side of the bull and make an ugly face for eight seconds. “No,” said the old-time, “I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.”. At the end of a long working day, one cowboy says to another, “You know, that new bull nearly did me in today, Pardner.”. Put a brick under each hoof. “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” — George Carlin So the cowboy saddles up and starts to ride out of town. Just but the gun in it, layer it with grease! Tim McGraw saw a boy with a barbeque stain on his white t-shirt and a daughter killing it … “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the IRS agent. I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em. Get it because it has lots of funny jokes that will make you laugh. What a huge range of cowboy humor we’ve got for you here. A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas and orders three beers. The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. A pony near here has a sore throat. What’s a horse’s favourite TV soap opera? His horse has been returned and tied to the post where he originally left it. The film didn’t just generate money and controversy, though, there are also several one-liners that continue to be oft-recited, so let’s take a look at some of the best lines from Borat. Brown paper shirts. Please enjoy our collection of funny cowboy jokes and puns.eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_0',171,'0','0'])); Saddle up for all our favorite cowboy jokes and puns! A cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy and the insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. And I’m still here today.”. When they left our home we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten. Neighbours…. Holy cowboy jokes! “How come he’s called Brown Paper Larry?”, “Well,” says the guy, “the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Every product—from construction sheeting to can liners—is engineered for toughness, manufactured sustainably, and available for small-batch custom orders. Think he was rodeo active. What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? “Wow!” said the young gunslinger. The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. I’m a gonna go over there and help.”, He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, “Kin ya swaller?”. Then one year, the IRS claimed that he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him. A Reliant Dobbin. “Will that make me a faster gunfighter?” asked the young man. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says, “Well, this looks like the end for us, old friend.”, Tonto replies, “What you mean by ‘us,’ paleface?”. A pantomime horse walks into a bar. In fact, these jokes will have you laughing so much you’ll fall out of the saddle. Think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe. If it’d been me, I’d probably have crapped all over the place,” says the second cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”, The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…”. Two horses I know have been an item for ages. He said, “Okay, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”. Get it because it's faster than the guy who's running to pee. You realize that making false statements to the IRS can mean a fine, jail time, or a confiscation of your land and equipment!” said the IRS agent trying to intimidate the old rancher. A Reliant Dobbin. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”. We don’ serve no Injuns!”. Absolutely hillarious rude one-liners! “. Got any more tips?”, The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. Rodeo Plastic Bag & Film Inc, 3328 Executive Blvd, Mesquite, TX 75149, USA (972) 216-3331 rpbsales@rodeoplasticbag.com. 30 Funniest One Liner Jokes 27 Best President Jokes 20 Best Banker Jokes Kevin Hart Funny Quotes. The first cowboy says, “I did! Rodeo Plastic Bag & Film Inc, 3328 Executive Blvd, Mesquite, TX 75149, USA. “Will that make me faster?” asked the younger man. The Florida Georgia Line. Get the best deals on Interior Cargo Nets, Trays & Liners for Isuzu Rodeo when you shop the largest online selection at eBay.com. So he goes back into the bar, flips his gun into the air, catches it over his head without looking and finally fires a shot into the ceiling. You should have your holster lower on your leg so you can get to your gun quicker when you draw. The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A cowboy rides into town in the Wild West and shoots an artist. Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. 2. “Why, what happened?” asks the other cowboy. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. “Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot – I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if … So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”.
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